


House Of Cards

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-04
Updated: 2006-03-03
Packaged: 2018-08-15 23:18:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8076745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Trip has to face that the things he knows about his love do not add up, and he cannot close his eyes any longer. Tucker/f. (01/11/2005)





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: Tia Anlor (Tee-ah Ahn'-lor) is my own creation. This is the 12th story in this series, the others being 'Golden Girl'; 'A Few Words'; 'Glistni'; 'Small Time'; 'Acquisition'; 'What Do I Do Now?'; 'For Want of Kilyiis'; 'Daasii'; 'Noblesse Oblige', 'Roses and Thorny' and 'Time and Again'. This story takes place about 1 day after 'Time and Again', and continues the events of that story. Tia has been on the Enterprise for about five months.  


* * *

Commander Charles Tucker opened his eyes from a deep sleep, surprised to find that he was not alone. Resting enfolded in his arms was the warm body of a young woman, her long golden hair spread out over her bare body like an extra blanket. Her flesh, for what could be seen in the dim light, was just as golden. She lay huddled in his arms, her body pressed to his in an effort to find security more than warmth under the light sheet.

He vaguely remembered her coming to him not long after oh-three-hundred, after having avoided him for more than a day. She had said not a word, had not responded to his whispered words, but had just gotten into bed with him, pressing close as he put his arms about her, holding her as she fell asleep, her breath warm against his chest. She had not left her quarters at any time during that day, had spoken to no one, and even now as she lay in his arms, hands huddled to her chest as if trying to protect herself, he found himself becoming deeply disturbed.

It was the same feeling he had when he had fallen asleep again minutes after awakening at her unexpected presence in his room and her silent seeking out of his presence and comfort. Something was wrong, terribly wrong, and it had only a little to do with what had happened to her.

But whatever it was, he simply did not want to think about it.

* * *

Malcolm Reed, yesterday afternoon, had had no problem at all thinking about it, however. "It doesn't add up. I'm sorry, it just doesn't." Reed had told him in the galley that afternoon over lunch.

"What doesn't?"

"Tia. She was assaulted, or so I'm told. But this is the same young woman, about three quarters my size, who knocked me bum over teakettle not two months ago, taking me out in less than half a second flat and leaving me unable to move for over half an hour."

"What are you saying?" Tucker had demanded, feeling his anger mounting.

"I'm not 'saying' anything," the man had insisted, recognizing his friend's outrage, "I'm only wondering how someone who can handle herself as well as she obviously can, can be assaulted like I hear she was."

"You haven't seen her!"

"No; and neither has anyone else, not even Phlox. You said she won't see anyone after that night. I just wonder -."

" _You_ said then that it was reflex—that if she thought about what she was doing she couldn't have done it!"

"Yes, and the more I think of it the more I'm not sure I wasn't wrong. Maybe it was 'reflex', but who taught her the reflex?"

Tucker had thrown down his napkin in disgust and stalked out. He told himself that it was to keep from hitting the man; but the truth was that he had wondered the same things himself. Too often. And he really didn't want to know. But the more he allowed himself to think on it, the more things he couldn't answer, and the less he really wanted those answers!

* * *

Now he held the young woman in his arms, and as he moved slightly, drawing her closer, his hands on her bare back, she stirred, looking up at him. In the dimness he could still make out the burnished gold coloring about her right eye; and against his chest he could feel the large medicated pad adhered to the right side of her left breast, which was all the treatment she had been willing to accept. "Dampris ilinta." She whispered.

"Good morning." He enunciated pointedly. She looked away, unable to maintain eye contact.

He ran his hand down her side to rest upon her bare hip, but she moaned apprehensively. "I won't touch you." He promised. "It still hurts." It was not a question—he knew how much pain she was in.

"Ealyiis, um, 'thank you'. Hurts terribly it does." It was worse, by far, than she had expected. She had not wanted to view the damage; but when she had, she was appalled at how bad it had been.

"Phlox could heal you. Why won't you see him?"

"Nyas. Can not." He wished feelingly that he could understand her reluctance. He had done everything he could for her, which was precious little, before she had shut him out yesterday. She would not see him after the initial time in her quarters, and so he had been surprised she had come to him in the late night. He had done nothing that might drive her away, but only held her as she fell asleep.

"How are you?"

"Cusla." She whispered, but he pressed his other hand a bit harder into her back, and she sighed. "'Well'. I well am, Shar-les."

"You can't draw away." He said softly. "Not if you're going to reach out." Yesterday she had not said anything to him in English, not speaking anything but Auran, even after she seemed to recover from her distress. It was such a departure from her months of struggling to learn and keep to English, to communicate in their language, that he had been concerned. He had not pressed her yesterday; she had been too fragile. But today, he felt he should remind her of her determined stand, lest she withdraw from all of them.

"I want to talk about it not." She whispered so softly he could barely hear her. "I want to talk about it never! Li vaz ti minya edal!" She caught the look in his eyes and sighed in frustration. "'I it want over to be!'" He didn't answer, remembering his conversations with Hoshi and Malcolm, so different yet agreeing on one point between them. It would not be over soon.


	2. Caldis 3

"Captain's Log, supplemental: We have settled into orbit about the planet Caldis 3, which up until two days ago had been merely a notation on a Vulcan Star Chart and a possible potential source of some of the elements needed to produce deuterium.

"However, the evening before last the crew was subject to an attempted assault by an agent of the Temporal Cold War, whose mission had been to assassinate all the female members of the Enterprise crew. It was reported that this mission had been significantly successful with the deaths of six officers: Ensigns Dina Samuels, Ann Anderson, Jennifer Farber, Elizabeth Cutler, Sub-Commander T'Pol, as well as our ship's Chief Medical Officer before the assassin was stopped prior to beginning his work by the combined efforts of our Linguist Hoshi Sato and Exobiologist Tia Anlor.

"I do not pretend to understand any of the convoluted aspects of temporal mechanics, and our resident 'expert' Crewman Daniels is notable in his absence. Therefore I can only stand by the fact that the deaths did not happen. However, there were only two casualties of the incident, Ensign Sato and Crewwoman Anlor. Ensign Sato's injuries were minor and she has made a full recovery. Miss Anlor's injuries, however, were more severe and for reasons unknown, she has refused medical assistance.

"Not having any firm information about what awaits us on the planet, which sensors report to be Minshara Class but uninhabited, I have decided to go ahead with the survey, but at a high security alert and full precautions."

Both Shuttles, he had decided, would be used to ferry a full scientific party of geologists, exo-biologists and security personnel to the planet, starting at 1000 hours that morning. Now, with three hours to go, he could only sit back and wait. In the meantime, all the ship's sensors, both short and long range, were examining the planet and all space to the prodigious reach of those instruments. So far, there was nothing to report.

Archer was waiting for the moment when that would change.

When the time came for the launchings of the Shuttle Pods, he had already decided that he was not going to be waiting on the bridge when whatever was going to happen did so. Whatever was going to happen might be in space or on the supposedly uninhabited planet, but the message had been that no woman was to reach, read 'land on', Caldis 3. Therefore, he decided, whatever it was had a better likelihood of happening on the planet, and he would have better chance of dealing with it in person rather than working off site.

Therefore, he was in one of the first Shuttles to launch.

* * *

Ensign Elizabeth Cutler finished stowing the last of her gear aboard Shuttle Pod One and stepped out of the small ship in time to see Tia Anlor, clad in her uniform jumpsuit with the light blue sciences piping, enter the deck, carrying her own packet. She sighed quietly, seeing the girl's face. 'It's cosmically unjust', she thought, looking at the burnished gold surrounding Tia's right eye, 'that even her bruises are attractive.'

But that thought had nothing to do with why she had sighed, nor why she stepped in front of the Auran. "Where are you going?"

"Caldis 3." Tia replied, surprised at the question when the answer was so self-evident.

"And what does Phlox say?" Liz hated to ask. One look at Tia's eye and that answer was self-evident as well. Tia did not even try to answer. "Come on, honey, you know the rules." She said, pitching her voice too low for anyone else to hear. "It's not that I'm unsympathetic, or that I don't appreciate what you've been through. But no Medical Bill of Health; no leaving the ship. That's that."

Tia also whispered as quietly as she could. "I to Phlox go can not."

Liz shrugged. "Sorry. I hate to lose you. I can really use you on this one, but orders are orders. We need you on Caldis 3, and you know how to get there. It's up to you."

Tia turned with a disgusted sigh, heading for the exit. As she did, she passed one of the other biologists just entering the bay. "What's wrong?" The man asked. "Where are you going?"

"Li kraanstat gendlerrs duplendi seia!" She muttered bitterly before the door shushed closed. Liz, who had learned quite a few phrases over the past five months, was left wondering just why Tia would consider herself so (expletive) immensely stupid.

* * *

About an hour later, long after the last teams had departed, Tia was sitting in her quarters, trying to think of how to solve this problem. She had made a perfect mess of things, and her short-sighted solution had only made things worse. Now she was stranded aboard the ship, with the only alternative for returning to duty being to undergo a medical examination she could not possibly pass.

Over and over again she rehearsed in her mind the events leading up to this fiasco, wondering what she could have done differently, but could find nothing. It had all happened so fast. She had had to get the information she needed quickly in order to save the lives of her friends, and now had to live with the consequences of her mistakes.

What could she have done differently? Had she had more time, maybe a lot; but there had not been the time. She'd had to act quickly, and was now stuck with the choices she had made. All she could do was to try not to make things get any worse; but they seemed to manage to do that very well without her continued help.

She didn't know what to do.

She had tried to avoid seeing anyone, because if she did not see anyone, and did not have to answer any questions, she would not have to dig herself in any deeper. She could not go back now on what she had done, but to keep to the same 'story' was just to make things worse. She had managed to avoid actually lying outright about what had happened by not saying anything, but the longer things went the harder it would be to avoid it. She could limit herself to Auran, knowing no one would compel her to use the UT against her will—not even the Captain would turn it on without her permission—but that was no permanent solution. Hoshi was fluent in Auran, and while no one else was she could barely avoid direct questions by answering in a language they did not understand. It was too much like lying and she did not want to do that either!

Her thoughts were interrupted by the chime at the door. Getting off her bunk, she went to open the door, vastly surprised at who was on the other side. "Shar-les!"

"Tia, why are you here? Why aren't you on the planet with everyone else?"

"Refused I was." She admitted, embarrassed. It was her own stupidity that had led to it, and admitting it was even worse.

"Nonsense. You're needed. Come on; get your gear. I'll take you down myself."

Ecstatic, not trusting herself to say anything, she grabbed the bundle from the bunk where she had tossed it an hour before and hurried after him. He strode with her down the corridor, not speaking as she hurried to keep up with his longer strides. She didn't know what had led to this, but she was not about to say anything to ruin it.

On board Shuttle Pod Two, she secured her pack and buckled herself in just in time for his launch. As they left the ship, she watched out the front port as the small craft angled toward the planet and began its descent.

* * *

On the bridge of the Enterprise, Lt. Malcolm Reed monitored the path of the tiny vessel as it entered the atmosphere, and as it made its final approach to set down on the planet he frowned in consternation. He looked up across the bridge to the Communications Officer. "Hoshi, please contact Shuttle Pod Two." When his board showed the channel open, he touched a button. "Reed to Shuttle Pod Two. Our sensors show you are one half degree off course. Please correct heading one half degree to port."

"Malcolm, it's Trip. It's all right; I'm just taking a little detour." Malcolm's eyes met those of Sato and Mayweather, the only other two senior officers presently on the bridge, and his lips mouthed the final word in silent disbelief. He spoke into the channel.

"Commander, you're off course. I say again, you're off course. You are going to miss the landing coordinates by over forty kilometers."

"I know what I'm doing! Your concern is noted, Lieutenant." He'd hit the stress on Reed's rank very hard indeed, bitingly even. Malcolm's surprise mounted quickly into astonishment, but there was no recourse from this.

"Understood, Commander." He closed the channel.

The three officers exchanged silent looks, each feeling slightly stunned. A moment later, Hoshi's board beeped. "It's the shuttle." Malcolm nodded.

"Malcolm?"

"I'm here, Commander." He answered carefully, keeping his voice level.

"It's also appreciated." He told his friend in a conciliating tone. "But this is something I have to do. Mind the store until I get back."

"Aye, sir." The channel had no sooner closed again when he looked up at Hoshi. "Contact the Captain."


	3. Lies

Shuttle Pod Two touched down in the midst of a grassy knoll surrounded on three sides by a thick stand of trees whose high branches rustled quietly in the steady breezes. The fourth 'side' was a stretch of level green ground that seemed to go on further than the naked eye could see. There was a small pile of weathered rocks just right of center that was probably what was left of a once tremendous boulder, set roughly eight meters away from the Pod. Beyond a scattering of flowers in various hues, there was nothing remarkable about the landing site at all.

Tia stepped out of the Pod onto the grass, walking out a few steps, enjoying feeling the springy fresh grass at her feet, and stopped. She took a deep breath, filling her lungs with the scent of life. Trip got out as well, but instead of following he just sat down on the deck of the open Pod, watching her.

"It so beautiful is." She said, looking out over the vast expanse. "I understand why land here you did." She took another deep, lingering breath, savoring it. "The third planet this is that on I am, and the most beautiful it is!"

"Yes, it is beautiful." He agreed, watching her closely as she stood, back to him, taking in everything. He was almost distracted by how good she also looked in her uniform; close as the material was to her lovely body, her long golden hair ruffling slightly down her back in the persistent breeze. She looked over her shoulder at him.

"But mad will the others be? Heard I did how far we from them are."

"We won't be here long." He promised her. She looked back out, wanting to take in everything about the scene if they only had a short time to enjoy it. "Only long enough for you to decide how much, and for how long, you intend to keep lying to me."

* * *

Tia froze, completely unable to move. He watched her for a long moment standing absolutely motionless, barely even breathing, until finally he could stand it no longer. He stood up and approached her, coming around her still body. She never turned her head, but from the moment she could see him her eyes tracked him, and when he finally stopped before her she looked up into his eyes.

Charles Tucker looked down into the golden eyes of his beloved, and saw the one thing he had never thought to see in them. He did not see joy, delight or her usual joie de vivre. He did not see pain or sadness. All these things he had seen in her eyes, all these things he could have born this time. What he saw now he could not bear to see when she looked at him.

He saw fear.

* * *

"Tia? Tia, talk to me."

She tried. Oh, how she tried, but her mouth was suddenly dry, and her heart low in her chest was pounding so hard she could barely hear him. His voice sounded like it was coming from a long way off, and she thought she was going to faint.

But she couldn't faint. She found she wanted to, but that escape eluded her. Trying to wet her lips with a suddenly dry tongue, she could barely whisper; "I do want to lie to you not, Shar-les!" Her voice trembled beyond her best efforts; this was her worst nightmare suddenly come true!

"But you do. You have." She pressed her eyes tightly together, bitterly resenting that, dry as she was, the only moisture she could feel were her restrained tears. "And for so long now I don't even know anymore what's the truth and what's the lie. And the things that don't jibe, they aren't even anything big. Like in that song you like so much, it's 'the little things that you say and do'."

She opened her eyes, but was so afraid she couldn't speak. Only a dry gasp got out. There was so much she wanted to say! So much she needed to say; to have him understand! He needed to understand! She needed to tell him, and her dry mouth betrayed her. She desperately wanted him to understand, and she could not tell him!

He turned, walking past her back to the Pod. She watched, frozen in place, terrified he was going to get in and leave her! She couldn't bear it, could not stand being left behind, to have him leave her; but she was unable to move to follow.

She was vastly relieved as he reached in, and came back a moment later with a canteen. He opened it and she took it in her trembling hand, drinking gratefully.

Finally she could speak. "Shar-les, qualsia—please! I to lie to you do want not!"

"But you have, haven't you?" She couldn't answer. She couldn't say it! Finally, unable to endure it longer, she nodded.

"Nyas." She whispered surprisingly. She had to make him understand, but he broke in.

"Damn it, Tia, you have! You're doing it even now! Don't you think I can't tell?!" He looked into her fearful eyes for as long as he could stand; his anger growing as he looked into her innocent eyes; eyes he knew were no longer innocent, if indeed they ever had been! Finally, fearful of his own anger, he turned away sharply, stepping away, putting some distance between them before he whirled to face her. "Tia, why?!" She tried to speak, several times, but could not. She could no longer face him, looking away. She wanted to answer, but her shame drove the words from her! For the first time since she had boarded Enterprise, she actually wished for a UT, but she did not have one, and her English words fled from her frightened mind.

He closed the distance between them, stepping around so he was in front of her again. "Tia..." he said, struggling to keep his voice level, "I am more angry with you right this moment than I could ever have imagined myself being! I don't want to be, but you're making it damn hard. Talk to me!"

Several times she tried, but nothing came out. Finally, some words came to her, as well as they could, and she was able to say something "Last klansti...last week," she began in a trembling whisper, "said you that I 'wind up over your knee' would. Did understand not, but explain Liz did. If that would-."

"DON'T!" He cut her off, raising a shaking finger to her. "Don't you _dare_...!" He clenched his fist, trying to restrain himself from saying more, but when she closed her eyes fearfully, visibly readying herself for the blow she believed would come he turned, stalking away from her, putting over four meters between them before he turned back to her. She was looking at him, apprehension vying with fear. "I taught you I would never hurt you! No one would."

"You that taught me. I that believe." She answered in a trembling, barely audible voice.

"Tia, what you say, and what you do; they don't fit. Somewhere in all of this you have been lying to me, and I have to know why!" She opened her mouth, but he cut her off. "Don't bother to deny it; you can't. Just tell me what, and why."

"I—I to you lie do want not." She whispered, barely able to raise her trembling voice.

"If you don't want to, why do you? Because I have to tell you that is no way to have a relationship; not the kind humans have. Now I care about you—a lot! I love you; but if you're going to be dishonest with me then I shouldn't see you anymore."

Her reaction was startling. She rushed to him, falling on her knees, hands pressed to her chest. Her eyes, as she looked up at him, were filled with abject terror! "Nyas! Shar-les, nyas! Please say that not! Qualsia curla kil nyasi! Nyas! Qualsia! Kaynas tuval muliente! Li baytri kalverse mi—!"

"English, Tia!" He pressed his own eyes closed in pain. "Please, English. Just this once let there be understanding between us." When he could look down at her again, her pain was etched on her face. "You once told me you wanted klista; your word for 'heart-to-heart'. Let there be heart-to-heart, let there be klista, between us, even if it has to be only this one last time!"

"Last time?" She gasped in terror.

"I don't want it to be, but it's your choice, isn't it?" She grasped his leg desperately.

"Qualsia! Mis li ven—All I ever have told you is truth!"

It was a long moment, looking down into her eyes, before he could speak.

"Even that you love me?" He asked carefully.

"Especially that I love you!"

"Why don't I believe you?" The pain in her face, in her entire being, was so intense he instantly regretted the killing words.

"Qualsia! I you told all could I! To tell more I could not! Qualsia!"

As he looked down at the girl, he thought he understood.

"Then there is a truth you've hidden from me." She stared up at him, trying to answer, trying not to answer; and finally nodded reluctantly. "You didn't want to lie, so you didn't tell the truth either. You just didn't say anything." She nodded, misery etched upon her face. She knew she could hold out no longer, not when it meant losing the only thing that really mattered to her.

"I to you—to all of you—did want to lie not." She whispered, her voice trembling as much as her body. "Truth I told—I only tell all of it did not."

"Well, I'll have it all now."

* * *

He extended his hand toward the pile of rocks about three feet high, providing plenty of space to sit. He held the motion, making it plain he would not give up until she did. She got up and he could see she was so shaken she could barely stand, and if truth be told his knees were not at their best either. She walked before him to those rocks as if to the gallows.

When they sat down, she was actually an inch higher than he was, and he looked up at her. "Let's start with your escape from Aura. I have to confess I didn't really want to look too closely at it either. Love blinds a man to a lot, but it wasn't exactly an escape of opportunity; a mad dash by two dozen people to a spaceship that just happened to be sitting around unguarded, was it?" She shook her head sadly.

"No, Shar-les, it was not." She whispered.

"What was it then?" She sighed.

"Go further back must I, or understand you will not."

"All right. Go back to the beginning."

She closed her eyes, not wanting to go back that far. Not wanting to go back there ever! But...if she did not, then he was lost to her and she would do anything in the galaxy to prevent that!

"Aura lost is." She told him, trying to stop her quiet voice from trembling. "Silurians everything taken have. For all of my life tried to fight them we have.

She took a deep breath, held it, trying to stop the trembling. "In your history read I of 'underground' in wars. On Aura different is. No place safe is. Those who can resist must in secret so do. Who resist does one know no. In open, we must as others be. When work together we strike can." She was silent for a long moment.

"I think I understand. You had to blend in when in public. You were trained to fight, but without being on a mission you just had to stand and take everything that was done to you, no matter what it was." She nodded miserably.

"Wanted that way I did it not. Do much could to help, but could not. In open, to stand and watch I had. Watched so much. So much!"

She clenched her fists tightly, trying to shut out the images, or the pain; he did not know which. "You got tired of watching." He wouldn't make it a question.

"Before recruited I was, 'tired of watching' I was! But act could not! The klusert ku vorklis, we called them; the Demons of Hell; Silurians brutal are; demons worse than imagine you can. Cared nothing for us. How you found me treated, so all were. Only keep us alive had to; beyond that no."

She put her head down, as if recalling, or telling the story, took more strength than she had. "Keep us alive they did, for the gold they took from us." She sighed sadly. "Gold to us, like iron to you it is. In food, in water, in everything. Too little harvest to there. But from our blood they harvest. A bit at a time. Too much, and die we do, so a little they take each time, and we go on 'collecting' more. When we eat, when we drink, when..." She looked up, her eyes drowning in sadness deeper than resentment.

"How got it they did they cared not. Extract medically if comply we did. If not, they any way could they they did. Those who resisted, punished they were." She hung her head, unable to look at him. "Liked it I did not, ever. Stupid I was, but give in I could not. So punished much was I!"

He remembered how she had been when they had first found her aboard the Krontis; the scars of whips that had striped her body from head to toe; the evidence of broken bones and scores of beatings. Phlox had told him that he had found evidence that at one time or another each of her legs and arms had been broken; her left arm at least three times, and eleven of her twenty eight ribs had been fractured over her life. (Humans had 12 pair of ribs; Aurans had four more lower pair attached to a much longer breastbone to complete protection of their hearts, which were just above their diaphragms.) He remembered her belief that she would be beaten aboard Enterprise for infractions, and how long it had taken her to believe the truth.

"What happened that day?" He asked quietly long after the story faltered. She looked up.

"Ask rather what the week before happen did." She said bitterly, looking straight ahead, not at him.

"All right. What happened the week before?"

"I slow an order to obey was. Angry I was, did want to obey not. Punished I was."

"You'd been punished before." She shook her head.

"Like this not. Like it, but as much not!" She looked at him, and the pain in her eyes was terrible. "Beaten was I until stand I could not! Beaten until move I could not! Death I wanted would have if to get them to stop it would. But then example they decided of me to make, to show resist the klusert ku vorklis no one could." She had to stop, unable to continue for many moments before she continued with a bitterness that would have choked her. "Used I was; by all in street. They the klusert ku vorklis forced to use me!" The words just hung there, waiting. The silence went on, she seemed to want him to ask and he did not want to ask.

"How many?"

"Forty two." She whispered.

"My God!" He was absolutely horrified, even more so at the manner in which she had said it. To think that something so horrific would be considered usual was beyond his comprehension!

"One even in my...my..." She hunted for the word; but as usual, when upset, her English occasionally deserted her.

"Cell?"

She shrugged. "...cell was. Could stop it not. If even he to stop wanted I know not. Think I like it he did." She sighed miserably, seeming to collapse upon herself. "From that moment, knew stand it longer I could not! Others as I did felt. Many others I knew."

She stopped speaking, staring ahead, unwilling to continue, or unable. She was trying to regain a tenuous control. He knew how she felt about crying, and how close she was to it. He did not press her; just let her keep her silence.

Finally, after a long time, she turned away from him, unable to face him directly, her bitter voice laden with a guilt he could not understand. "In the night, all the rules did we break. Openly attack a ship we did, the entire crew kill we did! Stole the Krontis we did and left Aura behind we did!"

"Tia..." He found he too had to hunt for words. "I can understand; you had to—." She turned back to him violently, her long golden hair flying in her vehemence.

"Nyas!" She cried; her voice breaking. "You understand nyasi! Workers there as well there were!" She stood abruptly, looking down at him, the words seemingly torn violently from the depth of her soul as she held her clenched fists before her, almost screaming in her pain. "Aurans they were! Aurans! Three with my bare hands did I kill so escape I could!"

She could stay no longer, but hurried away, clenched hands pressed to her temples, but a moment later she turned, thrust out her golden hands and almost screamed at him: "With these hands did I kill Aurans who tried to stop me from leaving!" In her hands, clenched so tightly as they had been, drops of golden blood welled up from where her nails had been driven into her palms, but so overwhelmed was she that she could not feel the pain or yet see the blood.

In soul-wrenching agony she cried to him. "In all my life I the Silurians resisted! But to save myself I my own people killed!" In her eyes, even so many steps away, he could see the agonizing horror she had hidden for so long, which came pouring out of her in a scalding torrent! She was trembling so much she could not stand and fell to her knees in the grass.

"I wanted to learn how to kill never!" She whispered; her voice breaking. "I wanted to be trained never! I wanted to kill never!"

She looked up at him, fired by a grim resolve. "But learn how to hurt Silurians I did, and did gladly! Hurt them and kill them I did for what they to my people did! And then because stand it any longer I could not I my own people killed!"

She could no longer look at him, but when her eyes fell upon her bleeding hands she gasped. "Nyas! Again on my hands blood is! Again and again and AGAIN! Will I free of the blood be never?!" She looked up at him, her heart breaking as she implored him to understand.

"Want to learn to kill I did not. To be free I wanted! To live I wanted! But kill my people I did!" She held her bleeding hands out to him, begging for his understanding of her horror. "Tried off the Krontis they to keep me and killed I them! They were from me different no! They families had, they them loved! And killed I them!" Her voice broke as she looked into his eyes. "How could tell you I that?" She begged, her voice driven down to a whisper. "How could tell you I that?"

He stood up, coming to her and dropping down to one knee before her as she knelt trembling on the grass, not knowing what to say. Her body was trembling from her pain.

"When found me you did; freedom I found. When met your people...never imagined I ever would meet one like you! When you...when you...when love you I did, and love me you did; to tell you harder became it! To tell you I wanted; to say I it could not!

"When accepted by you, by everyone, put that life behind me I thought I could! I it wanted never! I it wanted gone!"

"But there were accidents." He said gently. "Malcolm."

"Upset I was! Scared! Thought going back into slavery I was. When he—I think did not!" She looked down, unable to keep his eyes. "Terrified I was that find out you would. Wanted to tell, but wanted to not!"

"Then this assassin came." She nodded miserably.

"Killed so many he did! Phlox, Dina, Ann, Jennifer, T'Pol, Liz! Came to Hoshi and I he did, but a time before Phlox to. Thought could I cover, but beat Hoshi he did. Rape he intended us both to. Made Hoshi sleep I did." She tried to let it hang.

"And then?" She sighed deeply, looking up to meet his eyes with her haunted golden ones. She would have given anything not to say it, but it was far too late.

"And then stop him I did!" She admitted. "But to learn what needed I to save the others did, my training I used. I breaking his bones started until told me what I had to know he did!"

Trip was very careful not to draw away, horrified as he was by all these admissions. "And your wounds. You did all that to yourself." It was not a question. She nodded miserably. "It must have really hurt; to mutilate yourself like that." She nodded again, one hand dropping to her lap.

"Hurts still it does." She whispered. "Did intend it this bad to be not!"

"You know Phlox can heal all that." He reminded her.

"Is now there a need for secrets not." She agreed sadly. He came down on both knees to more comfortably face her, because what more had to be said was uncomfortable indeed.

"But why, Tia? Why did you do all that? You had saved the lives of several of your crewmates; no one would think less of you for how you did it! You would have been perceived as acting honorably, doing what you had to for the sake of a greater good. Yes, your 'secret' would have been out, but no one would think less of you for what you had to do; those you saved would have been grateful. I would have been grateful. Why didn't you tell us?

"Val nyas!" She shook her head sharply, whispering over and over again, "Could not! Could not! Could not!"

"But why? What was it that made it preferable for you to lie?"

"Lied not." He sighed, frustrated.

"You told us you were raped." She shook her head.

"Did not. Hoshi told you that raped I was. I did not."

"You just made it look like you were." She nodded. "You pretended it happened."

"From finding out tried everyone to keep." He sighed in exasperation.

"All right. I can see why you'd want to keep that part of yourself quiet. I can barely imagine the horror of having all that inside you, and the guilt, and not quite knowing how to tell anyone, or even if you should. I don't agree. And I think you made a mistake, trying to cover it up, but I'll see your reason."

He touched her chin, made her look at him. "But when I came in, you lied to me!" She shook her head.

"Spoke I only in Auran; knew understand you did not. Knew turn on the UT you would not. Said I nothing about rape. After that, could see you not because lie to you I did want not, but to tell the truth I did know how not, if to keep all this from you I would."

* * *

"But Tia, you did lie! You lied to me! Whatever you said, or didn't say, when I walked in there and saw you; torn, bruised and bleeding, I really believed you had been raped! And you knew that and you let me believe it! And for a full day you let me go on believing it! I don't know what it means in your culture, you never told me but I have a pretty good idea now, if rape was 'punishment' to the Silurians, but you didn't have to let it go on. You didn't have to deceive me! Tia, a lie of omission is still a lie!"

She couldn't look at him, her head falling. "Tia, I love you with all my heart, but if you can lie to me in something as large as this, and go on lying, how can I ever believe you again? How can I know what to believe?" Her shoulders were shaking as she sobbed silently, unable to make a sound. An Auran in public does not cry! She'd always been taught this; never to give in to this open sign of weakness among a subjugated people; but how could she endure this?

"Tia, how could you do that? There was no need, ever! You could have told me the truth! You told me now, and I'm still with you! Yes, I'm surprised, but I can understand what you went through. Didn't you trust me enough to tell me the truth?! Even this morning, you came to me, you could have told me the truth about yesterday! I'd have been upset, I admit, but not like now. Not when you held out the lie for so long!"

She was crying aloud now, unable to keep silent even over a lifetime of enforced control, and when she looked up at him tears were streaming down her golden cheeks.

"Why, after five months that we've known each other, would you not come to me and tell me the truth about how you found out what he was going to do? Why would you do this, create a lie and let me believe it when you're smart enough to know a lie this big cannot stay buried? Why did you even try?"

As he stared at the weeping girl, crying so hard she could not even answer, he wished he could take away her pain, but could not. He didn't know why her heart was breaking so, but he knelt with her, trying to show that he was not apart from her—yet.

"Tia, talk to me! Tell me what could be worth keeping your secret so tightly; for carrying it this far! Why? What you did to escape, even what you had been trained in, it's not shameful. You tried to defend your people, and then...well, I know what it's like to have to take more than you can stand; to need to get out! I would have understood.

"But I can't understand what it is that would make you do all this, make you lie, make you mutilate yourself rather than tell what you are, what you did, at least to me. What possible motive could you have to make it worth that?"

"I could nyasi!" She cried. "I needed...I wanted...I needed..."

"What?" He tried to make it soft.

"Curmis tulinti iau—."

"Tia, English, please!"

"Trying!" She wept. "Trying!" But she couldn't say anything more. She was crying too hard to answer, let alone find the English words to do so.

* * *

"Tia, please. Just tell me why keeping that secret was worth all of this."

She looked up at him, and he could see her heart was crushed. "Because—because—" she could barely get the whispers out. Her breath was coming in broken gasps. "Be—cause you all—accepted me! You—took me as I—I was! Because—I thought—I thought I could—put it all be—hind me!" She held up her hands, still bleeding drops of golden blood, looking imploringly into his eyes, tears streaming down her golden cheeks.

"I thought—thought I could—could be what I was! What I—was—before I was—recruited! I wanted—wanted that life back! I wanted it back! I wanted—to be—innocent again!" She cried, the cry torn from the depths of her soul. "I wanted to be innocent!

"And I—I thought—that if I could be—to you all—an innocent girl—with no blood on my hands—then I could BE an innocent girl with no blood on my hands!" She flung her arms about him, clinging desperately, sobbing into his chest as her heart shattered.

Trip put his arms about her, holding her close to him as she wept.

* * *

It was a very, very long time before, completely exhausted; she lay against his body, drained of everything. "Tia?"

"Daai?" She whispered weakly against his chest.

"I have to know. Is there anything more?" She shook her head against him.

"Sul nyas. More no. You have it all." He had never heard her voice so resigned, so empty. "Anston li—Sorry I am." She whispered. "Know how to amend not."

"Tia?" He waited until she looked up at him, a very long time. She had to push herself off him, with his gentle help. He had to hold her balanced on her knees; her strength was almost completely gone. Her eyes were even more gold rimmed than usual from her tears which still trailed down her wet face. "I forgive you." Her breath caught in her throat. He thought she would cry again, but there were no more tears left in her.

"How? Said you leave me would, that lied I did and..." He cut her off firmly.

"Among humans, we're sorry; we forgive. You know that."

"Is among Aurans same. But lived I under Silurian—."

"I think I can pretty much guess how the Silurians behave! But it's past. Forgive and forget, and that's that." She tried to smile gratefully, but it was a sad one instead; the best she could do. "Just please..."

"Daai?"

"Never again!" She smiled gratefully, her vulnerable expression a blend of grief and hope.

"Cuura li kir,—um, 'promise I do'!"

"Keelyas vintlinti?" She smiled sadly, but he suspected it was more at his accent, rather than the irony of his attempt at Auran when he insisted she keep to English.

"Daai. Feel better I do." "Then we should go. Cap'n Archer will be waiting." She couldn't get up; he had to help her to her feet and even so she could barely stand, weakened as she was. But she couldn't take a step to the Pod yet.

"Treep?" She shook her head, unable to call him that. "Shar-les?"

"Yes?" She was completely cried out, but still the emotions fragmented her breath. She tried twice to speak, but could not. Finally, unable to endure it, she looked down, her voice soft and longing.

"Do you...do still you...?" She couldn't say it. Drawing her close, holding her in his arms, he hugged her, then raised her face to his with a gentle hand and kissed her very softly on her trembling lips. It wasn't an Auran gesture, he knew, but it would be understood.

"Daai." He told her. "Li vantis cuvilir." He thought she would collapse from the relief.

"Oh, I too love you!"

* * *

He was about to answer when the communicator in the pocket of his uniform's left sleeve beeped. Opening the zipper, he pulled the small device out and flipped it open. "Tucker here."

"Trip, you about finished with your business?"

"Finished, Cap'n. We're just getting under way."

"Good, because I can use you here." There was nothing in the Captain's voice of urgency, nothing that would make him dash to the Pod's controls. In fact, he sounded rather...awed. "We've got some company."

"On our way, Cap'n." He closed the communicator. "We have to go."

They walked to the Pod together, mostly because Tia was still too weakened from her emotional catharsis. But she could not get into the Pod, even as he held her close for support. "Shar-les; your friends. What shall you them tell?"

"The Cap'n, because he needs to know; the whole truth." She sighed, dropping her head, submitting to the inevitable. "Everyone else..." She looked up again, not daring to hope. "You're an innocent girl, with no blood on your hands."


End file.
